Is This My Chance To Shine?

“Come on, you must have some kind of idea!”

I was in my final year at secondary school and I can recall speaking to a miserable and stern career officer (great career choice, right there!) who came in to talk to us about what we wanted to aim for in the future and how we could achieve it.

I didn’t have an answer for her. I just shrugged. All I knew in the back of my mind was that I wanted to be a wife and a mum. What would she say to that?

I wanted an idyllic life, a lovely house, a husband and children, other than that my mind drew a blank.

At that point my own childhood was far from idyllic.

When I was very young, life was good. I had nothing to complain about. I grew up in a beautiful house, wanted for nothing, I had a mum, a dad and a younger brother a cat and 2 pet rabbits. What more could a little girl want?

Life changed dramatically for me when I was just 9 years old. My dad unexpectedly died. He had a massive heart attack and there was simply nothing anyone could do for him.

It tore our entire world apart. My mum was all of a sudden left to raise two bereft children alone, our house felt empty. I had to grow up overnight, and I felt totally lost. From the day he died our family didn’t really feel like a “family” anymore. Just a group of people left behind to get on with their lives. I’m sure that this isn’t the case for everyone, I know that grief can sometimes bring people closer together, but not in this case. I may have seemed like I was “dealing with it” on the outside, but inside I was crumbling.

Since that moment, all I ever dreamed of was raising a family of my own. Nothing else would matter if I could achieve that. I guess in a way trying to make up for the childhood that was robbed from me at such a young age.

I often wonder if he hadn’t died, what would my dreams and ambitions be? I was always very musical, so maybe something down that road. Also I was quite artistic and creative, maybe some kind of designer. Who knows?

I want my children to always have their dreams and ambitions, to have the most wonderful, happy childhood possible full of love and know that nothing is off-limits. The world is their oyster and they can achieve anything they want to achieve.

I don’t want them to ever lose that spark and zest for life that I lost all those years ago.

Who knows, maybe starting up my blog will finally be the making of me? My chance to shine. I am absolutely going to give it my best shot.


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